Where are they now?

So, where is that damned tumor and those infected lymph nodes now?  Not anywhere anyone can feel.  Woo hoo!  I'm sure there is something there, but I'll need scans to find it.  Much better than the big-ass "stuff" that was there before.

Seven chemo treatments down and 1 more to go.  These 13 weeks have certainly passed quickly.  I tell ya', even with all my positive thinking, eight chemo treatments seemed like a helluva lot to go through in the beginning.  Time has been reduced to two week increments and "good" days and "bad" days.  For the first time in my life, I'm taking things one day at a time - definitely a weird paradigm shift.  No more wishing it was tomorrow, or two weeks from now, or vacation time, or Christmas, or whatever.  Waking up today is enough.

The second chemo "medicine" is treating me fairly well except for the joint and muscle pain I have for a couple days afterward.  I've graduated to Tylenol 3+codeine to manage it.  The last time I took anything that strong I was 16 and had 4 wisdom teeth pulled.  I was also skin and bones and immobilized by one tablet.  LOL!  I'm also dealing with some neuropathy (numbness) in my feet.  However, I don't plan to walk on any hot coals anytime soon.  :-)

There are still plenty of days when I feel like hell.  There.  I've said it...admitted it "out loud."  The days I'm in pain are easy to see, but the other days I keep hidden from everyone.  Anyone who has dealt with a life threatening condition knows what I mean.  It's a deep, deep feeling you can't even share with your significant other or your best friends.  You've looked on the other side, and it stays with you.  I now know what my mom and dad dealt with when they were sick.  I don't feel sorry for myself.  I do continue to kick myself for thinking it could never happen to me.  How could I have been so arrogant?  I totally let this one sideswipe me.  I'm generally not a person who gets mired in regret, but this is going to sit with me for a while.

I've watched a lot of TV lately, and I've seen Matt Lauer ask Michael Douglas how cancer has changed him.  Every time I see it, I ask myself the same question.  It's too early to tell, really.  I feel differently about a few things, but I'm not sure if those will stick with me over time.  I did start to get spun up about something work-related on Friday, and I told myself to stop being stupid.  It worked.  First time ever.  I was the queen of making mountains out of mole hills and obsessing over crap.  Boggles my mind now.

OK - I'm done philosophizing.  ;-)  Talk to y'all real soon.

P.S.  I just ran spell check on this post, and the only word caught in the first paragraph was the "hoo" of "woo hoo."  Why "hoo?"  Why not "woo" too?  Is "woo" a word, but "hoo" isn't?  I feel like I'm in a Dr. Seuss book...