Back to a first down!

So here I sit, upright and conscious, in my sunny family room.  Bea Dog is at my feet, and Erik is working in the dining room.  I just sat down from a 20 minute walk.  Not so bad for being four days out of surgery, huh?

I went to Holy Cross Hospital Friday morning at O'Damn Dark Hundred (6:00AM to early risers).  Everyone was so nice and pleasant.  I guess they can't help being nice to a 41 year old woman about to have her left boob chopped off.  LOL!  Seriously, all the medical staff I've encountered during this entire ordeal have been pleasant.  The prep nurses ask a million questions, the most odd (to me) is whether I've been mentally or physically abused by a partner or caregiver.  I usually chuckle at that one because it's inconceivable to me.  Anyway...I overheard another nurse asking a woman, who had come in alone, the same question, and she said, "yes."  I was astounded.  I couldn't get her response out of my head.  Soon after I woke up from surgery, I asked my nurse what help that woman would receive.  I prayed and asked Him to walk with her and protect her.  I know it happens to many woman. Somehow, in my emotionally compromised state, it hit me hard.  Basically, that was the hardest part of surgery...it still bugs me.  Anyway...

As their about to wheel me away, the anesthesiologist put something in my IV to help me relax.  Oh yeah!  I remember rolling by my surgeon and the other staff as they were scrubbing up, and I blabbed something like, "Don't screw this up dudes!"  They rolled me into a frigid operating theater (germs hate the cold and so do I).  I remember looking up at the lights thinking how cool the shapes were - like art.  I saw an oxygen mask come down over my face, and I was out.

I woke up from surgery feeling like I was hit both ways by the round trip Express bus from Discomfort to Pain.  I think my eyelashes even hurt.  I wasn't nauseous, but...well...you can imagine.  Not pleasant.  Erik, Marjo (his mom), and Aunt Betty were there.  And that's about all I remember from the first 24 hours.  I know my lovely cousin Melanie came to see me, and I send my apologies to her for anything wacky/inappropriate I said during her visit.  And, oh yeah, for also throwing up in front of her.  Sorry, Mel!

I had a decent nurse when I was placed in my room, but Maria, my overnight nurse, was terrific.  Don't get me started on the third nurse.  Of course, the best nurse of all was Aunt Betty (who is actually a nurse) who stayed with Erik and I for a couple days.  She and Erik made sure I took my meds, gave myself me shot of blood thinner in my stomach (ugh!), and took care of my drains.  Oh, the drains...for any Star Trek fans out there...I look like the Borg Queen before she's placed in her body.  The only difference is the tubes are all on my left side.  I guess I also have a bit more hair now than she did.  LOL!

Back to the present...

I had an appointment this morning with the surgeon's physician's assistant.  Excellent clinician.  She removed one of the three drains, looked at my mangled left chest (which actually doesn't look like the bad horror film makeup job I thought it would), and pronounced me in good shape.  No problems with the surgery sites.  I have numbness in my arm and hand and crazy charlie horses all around my body, but otherwise I'm a-OK. 

I also received the pathology report from the surgery.  I had no sign of a tumor in my breast - all GONE!  My Fightin' Women did their jobs there!  Seven lymph nodes were removed from under my arm, and two still showed signs of cancer.  However, there was no sign of cancer in the fat tissue around the nodes, which is very good.  Most likely there was no movement to any other part of my body and a significant decrease in size of what was left.  So, instead being an A+ patient, I'm an A patient.  Se la vie.  ;-) 

Where to we go from here?  Forward!  I actually feel like a human being again today.  Erik and I stopped for lunch on our way home from the doc, and I walked outside for about 20 minutes when we returned home.  Feeling much better.  I've decreased my pain meds from two Percoset ever four hours to one Percoset and one Tylenol every six to eight hours.  I've also had a little ibuprofen here and there for muscle aches.  My body unconsciously tenses my shoulder and back muscles with pain.  But I don't have much pain anymore.  And I have had THE wackiest dreams...Jennifer - You and Andre now skydive as a regular means of transportation, and a colleague in the Florida Keys rescued me from a pink, 1970s, Hello Kitty tricked out van.  OMG!  Hysterical!

Thanks to everyone for the love and support and flowers and food and shopping spree and help you give!  Thanks to my wonderful husband (Everyone needs an Edgar.) who constantly reminds me that it is what it is, and we'll come out just fine on the other side.  Thanks for my wonderful family who have swept Charlotte up in their love and care so Erik and I could focus on getting through this.

And why "Back to first down"?  The first drive down the field toward the goal was the chemo.  Made it through just fine.  The second first down drive was the surgery.  Made forward progress and just got the 10.  The third first down drive is the radiation.  The last drive will be the next 2-5 years.  Life, like football, is a game of inches.  As Al Pacino said, in Any Given Sunday, "On this team, we fight for that inch.  On this team, we tear ourselves, and everyone around us to pieces for that inch.  We CLAW with our finger nails for that inch.  Cause we know when we add up all those inches that's going to make the fucking difference
between WINNING and LOSING between LIVING and DYING."
Amen!

Al's speech www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO4tIrjBDkk