Last Thursday, the 30th, I had my port installed at Holy Cross Hospital. I love that place…good people watching of the American melting pot. I could sit in the lobby and watch the visitors and patients all day. It’s a good reminder that we’re all people, no matter the color of our skin or our income, and we all get sick. Illness can be a great equalizer and coalescing force.
Anyway, the port the doc installed provides direct access to the bloodstream so the chemo drugs can get right to work. My Body Ninjas, as I’ve nicknamed them, need all the help they can get. They make up my immune system, and they’re already fighting the good fight against the cancer. Funny the things you come up with when you’re faced with crap like this. I was walking on the treadmill and needed to personify those little fighters. Hence, the Body Ninjas were born around mile 3.
So, I start chemo the day after tomorrow, and the closer it gets, the more anxious I am. Don’t get me wrong…I’m sooooo ready to start the fight. I just don’t know if I’m ready for the way this is going to affect my family. I know I can handle the side effects, but I just hate the fact it will impact Erik, Charlotte, and the rest of the Harrison/Stoltze clan. They’re a tough bunch, but I hate to another stressor to their mix. I tell them not to worry about me…I’ll be fine, which I will, but I know they do. I also know without my wonderful husband, adorable daughter, and family I wouldn’t be able to have such a strong attitude. My thanks to you all.
When I arrived at work this morning, I had a beautiful gift on my desk from a fellow cancer survivor (I already consider myself a survivor). It moved me to tears – the timing was just right. I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. I was exhausted and didn’t know why. After a bit of contemplation, I realized it’s probably the stress of waiting for chemo to start. Then a couple hours into the morning, I received a great book from another survivor. It really is a sisterhood. No one can understand it unless you’ve been there. Although I’m holding it together, it’s such a comfort to know other women are there to prop me up if needed. I’m going to call my survivor friends, The Force. You know, in the tradition of “may the force be with you.” Because it is truly the force of will that gets us through these difficult times.
Quote of the moment: Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway -John Wayne
(I can't say I'm "scared" exactly, but you know what I mean).
It is Thursday, and I am sure that many people are thinking of you today.
ReplyDeleteBring on the Ninjas. You are a Ninja yourself, though, and an inspiration to us all.
I called and scheduled my mammogram, as soon as I realized that it is time. This one is definitely thanks to you, bcs I usually ignore thinking about it.
Please, think of yourself first.
Even though the family joins our journeys no matter what they are, you need to heal you, now.
At pre-flight introductions, the attendants tell us that in case of emergency you should put the oxygen mask on yourself first, so you can help others.
Thinking of you and wishing your Ninjas to be most powerful and effective.
Hugs and kisses, and PLEASE let me know if there is ANYTHING that I can do.
Molly, I have been following your blog- you are a GREAT blogger! Would never have known you are a novice :) You are so brave and upbeat- your spirit and energy comes through 100%. Your positive outlook and attitude will help you through the post-chemo yuckies. But when you are feeling low...reach out for help, take long naps, let yourself heal and get strong again. You are doing great! Thinking of you every day :)
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